Today should celebrate a strong male figure in your life. This male figure does not have to be the person who gave you your X or Y chromosome—it can be anyone who matches what your definition of a father should be.
A meaningful definition of a father through my lens is:
1) Someone who offers me protection and safety from harm.
2) Someone who chooses to take care of me and has that ability to step in when I need assistance.
3) Someone who loves my existence.
A lot of people are blessed to have biological fathers who have shared, sacrificed and loved them to the best of their ability. These men deserve to be cherished and celebrated, especially on a day that encourages us to. It’s also wonderful to know we are not limited in our gifts, time, or talent to just one day a year.
Now, some people feel betrayed or isolated from their father and today feels like an ugly reminder of it. I am sorry for whatever happened to you in life that caused you this sort of pain. I have not walked in your shoes so I do not know the trouble it has caused your soul. But what I do know is that your soul deserves peace and joy, and time will give you that, but so will a clear vision of who “is” that special figure in your life. So, try this:
1) Examine your modern definition of a father. Is there/or was there someone who nourished you with encouraging words, someone who acted as a cheerleader while you blossomed, or someone who spent time with you in a time of uncertainty and drought? A professor/relative/step parent/ pastor/coach/…Send that person a card, write them letter, or contact them. You have a special relationship waiting at your front door. Welcome it inside. Whenever you’re ready…this day can be about thanking that person and creating pleasant memories for yourself. Scientific definitions are based on fact, but love is based on our creation, so we can choose people to be a part of our bloodline ;).
2) Recognize what you didn’t have growing up, won’t limit your potential of who you’ll be and how you’ll be loved, or how you can love. I know a man who didn’t have his father around for his most important memories—but that didn’t prevent him from being a passionate and wonderful father himself. He’s creating and giving his children something he never had. He’s a hero and an example of strength and perseverance. I know a girl whose father is still growing up himself, but an uncle who treats her like a princess! Misfortunes can turn into blessings as life moves forward. You can give what you didn’t have. And you will get what you might have not imagined you could ever have!
3) Look above! He is a Father that loves your existence! His love has always been unconditional and pure, whether we’ve lived like saints or sinners, when we find our way back to Him, we find a fountain that overflows with pure love—the most sacred and fulfilling love, I feel.
Now, shifting gears to those people who want to grow their relationship with their Padre/Papa Bear/Big D? Woot! Woot! These are the people who have had a solid relationship with their father, but due to busy lives, college, relationships, etc. time has just added a long space bar between them, and they’d like to narrow it.
Try This:
1) Find a common denominator. For example, both my father and I love sports. Awesome. So now think of activities that surround your common love. We could watch an ESPN Classic together, go to a live game, or go to the park and play.
2) Interview Him. Pretend someone said you had to be the author of your dad’s story. This has the potential to be very fun and insightful. Before you go for the homerun questions, have fun and make sure you ask about those silly things you are now old enough to ask where they won’t give you a lecture type answer.
Examples: Tell me about a road trip you took with your friends. Tell me about the worst and best job you ever had. Tell me about your favorite city. Tell me something embarrassing. …The possibilities are endless—get the dirt on your old man!! Hopefully, you’ll both laugh a lot—and like an old American Indian saying goes, “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”
3) Pick a fun and creative board game.
4) Grab your lap top and show him pictures of what you’ve been up too, or the places you’ve seen!
5) Follow up. Try to do one thing you already do a little more. Whether its calling, visiting, e-mailing, sending pictures, he will feel special each time you do—and so will you.
Hoping you live your best life,
A
